The Origins of the Khmer Wedding

The entire Khmer wedding symbolizes the beautiful legend of the origins of Cambodia and parallels the marriage of the first Khmer Prince Preah Thong, to the Naga Princess Neang Neak. The Prince was exiled from his home, and during his travels, fell in love with a Naga Princess. As a marriage gift, the Naga King swallowed a part of the ocean, and thus formed the land of Cambodia. One of the most joyous occasions for a Khmer family, a traditional Khmer wedding typically lasts from three days to an entire week. Family, friends, and other members of the community come together to share in the celebration which is traditionally held in the home of the bride's parents. The Khmer wedding is a grand affair, full of color and festivity, as well as steeped in tradition.

Musicians play throughout the day on traditional instruments, and the couple is dressed like royalty. In fact, the bride may change her outfit several times in one day, though if the wedding were a week long affair, she could declare the color of her dress each day and the guests would dress only in that color. Unlike most Western weddings, guests are usually highly animated during the ceremonies, with elders typically explaining the significance of the various customs to the younger generation.

Thursday Ceremonies

3:00PM  Hai Goan Gomloh–The Groom's Processional

At the beginning of the day, the bride is traditionally waiting at her parent's house. The groom is expected to call out the bride by gathering a procession of his family and friends, bearing wrapped fruits, usually fruits and Khmer desserts, with as many as 36 in number. The procession is led by a band of musicians and singers, who call out to observers to join in the procession to help create an impressive entourage for calling out the bride. Traditionally, the procession has symbolized the journey of the prince to meet his fair bride, as well as his ascension to the throne.

Here comes the groom,
This is the song for you.
Now, at the break of dawn,
We rise to the place of celebration.
Holding up high, the wedding flowers
The groom is coming.
With the achar as a witness
Granting his good wishes
According to tradition.
Holding up the umbrella high,
As we journey through places bright
This day is the perfect day
No better to be chosen.
The procession is coming with our gifts,
Offerings for the parents of the bride.
Weaving in and out as one,
We come to the place of celebration.

Khmer lore tell of the Roang, a temporary tent erected for celebrations including marriage, which the groom is not allowed to enter until the fateful event. The procession celebrates going forth into the bride's home (Roang).

Traditionally the Mai Ba, (a well-respected member of the bride's family who serves as its representative), comes out to greet the procession. The different number of fruits and desserts are counted, the more, the better, and if found to be satisfactory, the Mai Ba and Ma Ha (representative for the groom's party), usually the achar, run through a humorous verbal parlay which ends with the groom and the rest of the procession being invited into the bride's home.

The Mai Ba and Ma Ha are the traditional matchmakers of Khmer society, who guarantee that the bride and groom are compatible with each other.

4:00PM Gaat Sah–The Cleansing Ceremony

O beautiful lovebirds,
Let us look at your faces
Perfect shapes, all aligned
Teeth as white and bright as ivory

Before the bride and groom are officially married in the Khmer tradition, they must be properly prepared through an elaborate cleansing ceremony. The traditional singers representing visiting Devada (deities who watch over the mortal realms) dance around the bride and groom. Their songs represent their enchantment with the beauty of the new couple, and they agree to personally cleanse and purify the bride and groom to bring them good fortune, beauty, and grace for the rest of their lives. The Devada cut the hair of the couple and shave the groom, throwing away any excesses and misfortune that may have lingered. The new couple is also perfumed before the visiting Devada ascend the realms of Taan Sour, the home of the gods and deceased ancestors.

O, look at the bride,
The gods must have helped prepare you!
The gods cut first,
Your parents afterwards
Then the achar to finish
It is all good now, and fitting, too.

According to the legend of Preah Thong and Neang Neak, they married without the Naga King's knowledge. Neang Neak prayed to the Devada to witness her hair being cut, and they then carried the locks to her father. When he received her locks of hair, he rejoiced in the knowledge that his daughter was being married.

5:00PM  Soat Mun–Receiving Blessings from the Monks

Out of respect and reverence for the monks, we ask that you remain silent while the bride and groom receive their blessings during this ceremony. Traditionally, three to five monks or as many as seven will invoke blessings for the new couple, which are chosen specifically for the couple by the monks.

6:00PM  Bang Chhat Madaiy–The Honoring of the Parents (Bride only)

Rumleuk goeun madaiy oeupuk
(Remember your obligation to your parents.)

“Honor your parents as you do the gods.” This common Khmer sentiment is rooted in a Buddhist parable about not forgetting goeun, a very significant deed that traditionally one owes repayment. A monk explains to a temple visitor that without parents, one cannot be brought into the world to honor the gods in the first place.

The traditional song that is performed is a reminder to the bride of the hardships of raising a child, which is usually not realized until the bride herself has her first child. It is a song of parental fulfillment and duty, which the bride and groom will one day experience for themselves. During this ceremony, the bride holds an umbrella over her mother, a gesture that symbolizes the reversal of the protective role of her parents.

O sweet daughter of mine,
Come out to honor me.
Daughter with the smooth, bright face,
Your mother is waiting
To give you away
And do as tradition says.

While I was heavy with child,
O daughter of mine,
I was so worried --
Food with salt or spice,
I dared not eat.
And when I neared my term,
O daughter of mine,
My body would tremble and shake.
I was afraid I wouldn't cross the waters,
O daughter of mine,
That I wouldn't cross
And reach the other side.

As for your father, he worked so hard
O daughter, he worked day and night,
Without thought for himself.

O beloved daughter, beloved daughter of mine
You are fulfilling your mother's dreams
O daughter of mine
Now that a husband you have.

Friday Ceremonies

7:00AM  Hai Goan Gomloh–The Groom's Processional

This ceremony will be repeated again.

7:30AM  Leang Jung Goan Gomloh-Cleansing of the Grooms Feet

This traditional act symbolizes how the bride is vowing to bind herself to her future husband through commitment and obedience. The bride waits for the groom to approach the doorway to her home after the procession. She has a bowl of water awaiting his arrival then proceeds to wipe his feet with a cloth.

8:00AM  Sompeas Ptem–The Knot Tying Ceremony

Khmer weddings traditionally have a knot tying ceremony, but unlike what the name implies, it is the guests who tie knots, not the bride and groom. Each guests is invited to come forward to bring their best wishes and blessings to the new couple by individually tying white ribbons around their wrists. These knots are tied on both the bride and groom, who are required to wear them for three days afterwards, to preserve the good luck. This ceremony has been traditionally the perfect opportunity to take a picture of each guest in attendance with the new couple.

8:30AM  Sien Doan Taa-Call to Ancestors

Today is a beautiful day
and the arrangements are ready.
We offer these gifts
Inviting you to join us
And shower us with your blessings.

In Khmer culture, family bonds are the ones that are the most important, and a marriage is the inclusion of the couple into their new families. At all important events, the family and friends are called upon to share in the celebrations and offer their blessings. This ceremony calls forth for those who have passed away, both family and friends, to offer their blessings and observe the wedding, if not in body, the in spirit. It is a time to reflect on those near and dear to our hearts, to not forget to include them in our happiness.

The family of the bride and groom wish to honor the following:

Mr. Sophath Thong
Grandma Meas Meng
Grandma Kouch  Soeum
and Grandpa Kong Mon

9:00AM  Bongvul Pbopul–The Passing of Blessings

Mun ouy laing leah, mun ouy prort preah.
(To not separate, to not part ways.)

In this ceremony, all of the currently married couples are asked to gather in a circle around the bride and groom. Three lit candles are passed from hand to hand, and each participant will pass his or her right hand over it in a sweeping motion towards the couple, sending or throwing a silent blessing to them. Only currently married couples are asked to participate, as it is believed they will pass along the special “je ne sais quois” which has preserved their unions. The candles are passed around the circle clockwise seven times to complete the ceremony.

A special expression of gratitude to Rita Pin and Russell Ahrens for their permission to post this program onto the Khmer Institute website.  You may view the original wedding program at their personal website: http://www.castaliansprings.com